“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other.” John 15: 16-17
So during my journey in healing, I was comforted in reading St Faustina’s diary. I don’t even know how that came about, but I’m certain God had a play in leading me to St Faustina, finding out more about her, and then the desire to read her amazing diary. One night during my nightly devotional reading, I read that God directed St Faustina to read John 15 when she questioned her suffering. I made a mental note that the next day I must read John 15…what is in this gospel that God wanted St Faustina to remember…and ultimately was wanting me to know.
So the next day, I open my Bible and I remember that I need to read John 15…and low and behold…my answer. Why did I suffer…God needed me to…and although I didn’t choose him (I wasn’t a real practicing Catholic prior to this)…but that He chose me. That night…when I said I can’t do this anymore…and then I felt him hold my arm and say, I am going to get you through this, take My hand….then the days, weeks, months following that in which He led me to reading my Bible and learning everyday what I am here to do. To love one another.
In the last year, it was nearly as if scales fell from my eyes (just like Saul in Acts 9) and I began to view the world in a whole new light. I became thankful for everything around me…thankful to just be. I began to see the people around me as God’s children and not as another person interrupting me…and I began to understand life in a whole new way. A purpose in being a disciple of our Lord and living life working for His kingdom. Opening my heart to let God’s love shine in on me so that I can allow it to shine on others around me. My previous self-focused life that put me into a sort of prison…was being broken. Everything I knew (or thought I knew) was changed….but changed for good. The things that I wished I had (friendships, sense of belonging, happiness)…were being given to me.
And I will say…it wasn’t easy…it still isn’t easy. Every day I still battle that previous self-focused life. I battle the enemy trying his hardest to stop me, telling me I’m going to fail or trying to put fear in my head…but every day I also get stronger. God gives me the strength to get through the day, increase my faith, and learn to live life loving others as God loves me.
All because He. Chose. Me.